The Best Man's Responsibilities, according to Wikipedia

What have I agreed to!?

Apparently it is the best man's job to get the groom to the wedding on time, generally by sleeping in the groom's bedroom the night before.

yikes!

Also...
Stocking the men's room at the reception with mints and soap (I don't think that's in Jordan's budget).

And, best of all:
"a best man must be married, preferably to one wife (!!!) and should be in position to give sound, tried and tested advice."

LUCKILY i can ignore most of my so-called "responsibilities" because I'm going to look like this:

(Post-script: kudos to the man himself, my #1 responsibility, the bridegroom, for winning a UWO teaching award... see? he can take care of himself. I can take care of my suit.)